It’s 1am and my vacation is rapidly coming to a close. It was fabulous. Truly fabulous. I sewed and read and slept and spent lots of time home with my little family. I finished a few works-in-progress and started a few new projects. I cooked dinner almost every night. I kept the house {moderately} clean. The plants were watered. I loved and really cherished each and every second I was off.

So why am I still awake at 1am?

Because life returns to normal in ten hours. I truly don’t hate my job or the people I work with. I just hate the person I let myself become.

Now, that makes it sound like I become some ruthless tyrant or something. And I certainly hope that’s not the case!!

It’s just that, when I work, I worry. A lot. I stress. I’m constantly on edge and never relax. I think I do an ok job … But I let all the concerns and worries pile up on my shoulders. Convinced, at any moment, someone will see my faults and see I’m doing a horrible job. Call me out.

And with all this self-induced insanity comes … The yucky me. I don’t notice the gorgeous sunrise or set. I don’t notice how blue the sky is or all the stars that are out. I don’t have a good cuddle with Dave. I don’t pet Mittens or play with Maisie. I come home, eat something easy or take-out, look at my pile of crafts and think “tomorrow” and then curl up in bed.

I know. File this post under “first world problems”. {whine whine whine}. But I love who I am when I have all the time in the world. I just want to learn how to create that during normal, workday life. Just a little bit.

I want to give the worries to God and walk away from them. He can handle them, right?

I want to stop letting the crankies get to me and really work on looking a little more optimistically at life. If God is getting my worries … maybe he can take those too?

I want to figure out some way to not resent each and every thing that takes me away from home time and family time and craft time.

I need to figure out a way to be creative each and everyday … in order to stop viewing everything besides home and family and crafts as “taking me away” from life. Everything IS life, silly!!!

It sounds easy when you write it all down. And I can usually last about a week in this mindset. And then, after that week, I get caught up in the grind … And the laundry begins to pile up … The craft room gets dusty … The stove goes unused … The frustrations set in and take up permanent residence.

So … What will make the difference this time around?


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